Change is always scary but sometimes it is essential. Can't say too much... for legal reasons... but I am now free from the shackles of a rotting, suffocating, volatile marriage.
...and to pick up from where I left off from my last post...
went to see The Ape a few days before my birthday... they were awesome... Picked up their debut album... love it. Their songs are exciting and my sis and I loved every minute, a great night out. (all my photos are blurry and crappy, so can not share :( )
Much like my life for the last couple of months... after my birthday, things deteriorated to close on unlivable... for all concerned...
For the past three and a half years, I guess you can say I was having a typical mid life crisis... where you question every decision you ever made and try to analyse what the hell lead you to the path you are on...
I had been miserable for years....the marriage should have ended and had a natural ending soon after our eldest child was born... but I was raised to believe that marriage is forever and I had to do what I had to do, for the sake of my son to make things work....My Mothers voice echoed in my head.... "you made your bed, now you have to lie in it" .... if I dared tell her then what I was putting up with, she would have said otherwise, I am sure. But I felt brainwashed into believing that I was to blame, and ashamed of having a failed marriage, I hid my problems and just tried to be a better wife, thinking that if I changed my behavior and went out of my way to make him happy that he would be a better husband.... it took me close to 20 years to realise that nothing would make him happy and nothing would make him change.. he is what he is and he is not for me, and I am not the right person for him either. Enough said...it's over...we made 4 beautiful children together, no regrets.... but it is time to move on.
And I have every intention of doing just that and being happy and being me, pure and simple....
So now it is 2014... I am certain it will be a good year...
Bring it on!
